When it comes to parenting, there are countless styles and methods that all of the different names can get really confusing. At the end of the day, the goal is to parent your kids to grow up to become successful, independent adults, right? A lot of parents have difficulty with creating a balance of keeping a routine and adding in fun, and it can all come back to parenting styles.
The Institute of Human Development at the University of California at Berkley has outline the three main parenting styles. These are:
Brick Wall – these are the authoritarian parents that parenting expert Barbara Coloroso said involves dictatorial parents that demand that their children be blindly obedient. These parents tend to have high control, low levels of warmth, low communication, high expectations, and robotic consistency.
Jellyfish – the permissive parenting style that is the opposite of the brick wall and emphasize warmth and communication with minimal control, high tolerance for a lack of a daily regimen, and no big list of expectations for their children.
Backbone – these are parents that are authoritative that combines aspects of Brick Wall and Jellyfish. Backbone parents give their kids consistent and clear rules and expectations but within a broader context of loving and caring parents.
Research shows that children that grow up with backbone parents end up being the most independent, show strong leadership skills, social responsibility, are more confident, and have high levels of achievement.
Children who grow up with brick wall parents are more obedient but end up being less independent and less confident. Meanwhile, those who grow up with jellyfish families end up with less social responsibility, are very dependent, and tend to have more anxiety and less confidence.
This seems to suggest that all children need boundaries and limits, and those with inconsistent behaviors need them even more. Parents with children who have difficult behavior need to feel safe and protected but also need consistent rules and routines in order to stay on track.
Some important areas of consistency involve getting up at the same time every day, scheduled meals, and a regular and consistent bed time. You can involve kids in the process by helping them write out their schedules in a colorful calendar that they keep in a place in their room where it is easy visible.